The Moving Wall is Very Moving

So, it has been a while... yeah, I know.  I have had way too much on my plate lately.  Not sure if I got sick first, or was doing too much, either way it is a vicious circle.  Not enough rest for me = catching any cold that comes along.  I did finally finish with my work for the fundraiser, well, until the event is over at least, then I have to go back and help with clean up.  But it does feel good to have the paperwork for that big job off my plate.  It is always difficult to coordinate so many people, especially when a lot of it is dependent upon teenagers doing their part.  We sold 67 tickets though, so that is a good thing. 
Well, I have held off talking about it for as long as I can.  I knew it would be coming this year, but the news still managed to floor me.  My husband let me know this past week that he will be deploying to Afghanistan in August.  I'm not sure how news I am expecting can still startle me, but it did.  It has taken me a while to digest this and be able to talk about it.  I am not new to a deployment, but that doesn't make it any easier.  I am happy he will be here for Amy's high school graduation and Will's eighth grade graduation, though.  But there just is no good time to be gone.  I am also a realist, he has only had his shoulder tapped, he has not been given orders yet (in writing).  So what is not in writing may not ever happen.  I still have to prepare though.  I need to have everything in order so the kids and I can successfully make it through the time he is gone.  I know he can't be successful at his job if he has to worry about us.
In other news, The Moving Wall is here in Southern California.  We went to go see it in Garden Grove this morning.  For those of you that don't know, it is a (smaller) replica of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.  I saw a notice that it was going to be here a few months ago and put a reminder on my phone because I wanted to see it.  I am so glad we did.  I really didn't expect it to affect me the way it did.  I can't imagine how it would be to see the actual memorial.  Anyway, when I walked up to it, I was surprised how big it still was, then as you get closer and see the sheer number of names on the wall, well, it was overwhelming.  And to think that most of these young men were called to serve, they did not volunteer for the service.  Before I could stop myself, I had tears streaming down my cheeks.  I don't know anyone who died in Vietnam, so it was not due to any loss of friend or family.  I think it was just the thought of all those young men... and their lives cut short.  There were lots of bouquets and pictures of soldiers left in front of each section of the wall, it was good to see that these soldiers have not been forgotten.  It really made me think about how awfully the returning soldiers were treated.  I think as the wife of a soldier, it really hits home.  And now with a deployment looming less than a year away, it really made me think about my own family and all those "what if" questions.
  

Overwhelmed

One of the pictures of Will and Amy

Wow, so many things going on right now.  I got a bit overwhelmed.  Glad I gave myself permission to skip blogging while I needed to!  It didn't stop me from feeling guilty about not writing though. 

So my daughter's volleyball team played in a local tournament this past weekend.  They played on Friday afternoon and evening and then all day on Saturday.  All the girls played so great.  The finals were last night and they defeated Edison in two games.  It was so exciting.  I know I have mentioned their fans, they actually have printed up their own t-shirts to wear to the games... the back of the shirt says "our game is tighter than our spandex."  Funny.

On Saturday night, my son's football team played Cypress.  The Cypress team was undefeated and won most all their games by the maximum number of points.  Well, that was before our boys came to town!  It was a tough game because we were short several key people (a tail back, running back, and a linebacker just to name a few).  Anyway, our boys worked hard all week learning new positions.  And I don't mean to brag (even though I consider it my right, since I'm his mother), but my son was amazing!  He carried the ball all night long, played in almost every single down, and even scored our only touchdown.  He really worked hard and stepped it up to help his team to the victory.  We won 8-7.  It really pays off to have a good kicker in Pop Warner!

The above are both reasons why I didn't write on Friday and Saturday, but what was really keeping me busy was two computer projects I had to complete.  The first is a project for the volleyball booster club fundraiser we have coming up in October.  I have completed all I can on that, now I have to wait for everyone to turn in their tickets and/or money so I can input the rest of the data.  Yikes!  Why did I agree to do that?  The second project has been a lot more time consuming.  And here I guess I need to rant a bit.  The volleyball team has a video made showcasing the season highlights, but they also have a special section for seniors.  Parents of seniors are supposed to submit 20-25 pictures to be used in the video.  That is all well and good, except that I thought I was doing a wonderful thing years ago when I made all my albums into scrapbooks.  What this means is, there are no loose pictures lying around.  Every single picture is literally "stuck" in an scrapbook album with a clear plastic sleeve over each page protecting our precious memories.  UGH!  Amy and I went through each scrapbook and put a post it note on all possibilities.  Of course that means we ended up with about 80 pictures selected.  I then had to take each book apart, remove the plastic sleeve (no easy task!), and then scan the pictures.  Then I had to edit the pictures on the computer because they are not usually put in the album in a straight up and down fashion.  While it was tedious and literally a pain in my neck, it also was a nice walk down memory lane.  I have to say that I have two of the most beautiful children!  It really was hard to choose only 25 pictures.  But the project is finally done.  I just need to get a thumb drive to save it all on.  Let's say a little prayer here that my computer does not crash before I save it on the thumb drive!

So anyway, I'm back.  At least until all the ticket stubs are turned in for the fundraiser!    

Crock Pot Dinners

I've been having trouble lately getting a healthy dinner prepared for everyone.  Now, it is not completely my fault though.  Usually there is no one home during dinner time.  I know I mentioned in a previous blog about starting to use my crock pot more.  Well, that works when I can actually get it all ready in the morning before I leave for work.  That is the thing about crock potting... you have to do it in advance. 
I think I would be apt to try it more frequently if the meals all turned out good.  The last new recipe I tried didn't come out so well.  It was called Italian Chicken and Potatoes.  It sounded really good.  And easy.  Boneless chicken breast, Italian spices, Italian dressing, potatoes, and Parmesan cheese layered and then cooked for 6-7 hours.  Yeah, well it sounded good.  After 7 hours in the crock pot, the potatoes were still hard.  I think the chicken was done, and if I had been thinking, I would have removed the chicken, but no, I was not thinking. I continued to cook it for another 2 hours.  Still the potatoes were hard.  By this time, the chicken had to be removed with a spoon.  The problem was even though it was going to pieces in the dressing, it was really, really dry.  I ended up throwing out the entire contents.  I haven't had a mishap like that in quite few years.  It reminds me of a crock pot meal I made about 8 years ago.  I don't remember what it was called, but it had chicken, a cream soup, broccoli, and rice.  All good foods that actually taste good together, but as soon as they joined together in my crock pot... well, some sort of chemical reaction happened.  First of all, it looked like baby food.  The broccoli turned that grayish green color and turned to mush.  The chicken was so moist it shredded into minuscule pieces and the rice?  Well, you would have thought I put cream of wheat in the crock pot instead of rice!  Anyway, as gross as it looked, I had a hard time getting my kids to even try it.  My husband being the good man that he is, scooped an enormous portion to put on his plate (just to encourage the kids I think) and he ate it.  Amy took a small amount and gagged it down, and Will?  Well, Will refused to eat at all, he wasn't having any of it.  I think he may have asked for a peanut butter sandwich at this point, but I am not a short order cook.  My kids eat what I prepare, or they don't eat at all.  I put some on my plate, and if a person can get past the texture of their food, they might have thought it was OK, but I am not one of those people.  So it was very surprising to me when my husband asked for seconds.  "Really?"  I asked him, "OK...."  I scooped up another serving as the kids were excused from the table.  As I put the plate down in front of my wonderful, supportive husband, he stared at the plate for a full thirty seconds and then he said, "I can't do it."  At that point we both just started laughing, it really was awful.  The remaining contents of that crock pot meal went in the garbage as well.
I like to make different things for dinner, but days like these only serve to keep me relying on the old tried and true recipes.  Well, those recipes and a delivered pizza every now and then!

Trying to Find Balance

Wow, this blogging every day is not working out so well for me.  I missed yesterday again.  I'm doing my best to keep at it, but life keeps getting in the way.  Today I was talking to Cheryl, the teacher I work for, about how I feel about my blog.  Generally it is something I am proud of .  I am hopeful that people are reading it and that they are somewhat entertained.  I was lamenting to her though, that I find myself upset if I can't find anything humorous about my day.  I so enjoy reading my friends blogs, especially when they make me laugh.  So, as I was telling Cheryl, that since taking on blogging, I now not only have added stress about getting my blog written each day, now I feel stressed if it isn't funny!  No one wants to continually read about someones boring days!  So, I don't know what to do about this.  I'm thinking that I might just give myself permission to write less often, but I am one of those people who do better when I have a schedule to follow,  I'm afraid if I give myself the freedom to write "when ever," I just may never get to it.  I think what I am going to do is continue to try to write daily, but just not beat myself up when I skip it.  Sounds good to me. That way, if I'm swamped and can't get to it, or I just don't have anything to say, I won't feel the pressure. 
So on another note, I think my family is keeping our local chiropractor in business.  Between Joel's constant back issues, and my kids going all out in their respective sports, I feel like lately I have been at the chiropractor's office more than usual.  It is always funny when it is someone else's back that is hurting.  My kids love to poke fun at Joel and me when we are hobbling around because we have thrown out our backs, but it is suddenly the end of the world when they are in pain!  I can't remember who I was talking to the other day, but they mentioned something about "they don't make kids the way they used to."  He was referring to all the injuries on my son's football team.  It got me thinking.  When I was Will's age I never heard about kids going to the chiropractor.  Did we just not hurt our backs?  What is different now?  How is it that his football team had three kids out with ankle injuries in the first game?  Were we really tougher?  Did we not play as hard?  I obviously didn't play tackle football, but it was around.  Were there as many injuries back then?  When I analyze it, the only thing I can come up with is that we played just as hard, but I think we had more down time.  My kids have 2-3 hour practices at least three times a week and then games 1-2 times a week.  Plus they go from one sport to the next with no time to let their body rest and heal.  I guess that is my fault, I know I have mentioned before... I want my kids to be too busy to get into any trouble.  I just hope they don't have chronic pain as they get older!  We think about all this exercise as being healthy, but repetitive stress injuries seem to be fairly common.  I guess we all just need to find a way to balance our lives.   

Sportsmanship

What a beautiful day today.  Of course I am stuck in the house doing laundry, but that is how it goes as a mom right?  I was able to get out yesterday.  It was my son's football game.  They won, so that is always good, but the other team was playing dirty and when one of our kids reacted, they both got thrown out of the game, and he can't play in the next game either.  It is a real loss for us since the kid is a leader on our team.  We should have realized early on that something like this would happen.  I could hear the way the kids on the other team were talking to each other.  Tempers were high and there was lots of swearing.  At one point, I even turned to my husband and said, "that is all in the coaching."  I truly believe that.  I think that the coach sets the tone for the kids on what will be tolerated.  Will has been very lucky in his football career.  He has had the same coach move up with them each year.  Not only is Coach Mark a successful coach, he also demands respect and good sportsmanship from his players.  When they answer him, they always have to call him sir.  I like that.  I really like that it shows on the field though, our boys come out to play football and they keep the focus on the game.  Normally, our player who got ejected is the one that not only fires up the boys to play, but he is also the one to calm all the other players when tempers flare and is the voice of reason.  One game, after each play, our players were offering a hand to help the other team's players up.  The other team kept slapping their hands away.  He told them to keep offering, if the refs see what they are doing, they will get a penalty.  So it was surprising that he engaged the player in yesterday's game.  Must have been some bad stuff going on that we couldn't see.  He will be missed next game, quite a few of our players will have to step it up next game to try and fill his shoes.
Amy comes home today too.  I really miss her.  Her team did really well in the Durango tournament in Las Vegas.  They went undefeated all the way to the finals, but then lost.  Still a very strong showing for the Griffins.  They got second place out of 48 teams from all over the nation.  Her team works on team bonding and sportsmanship too.  It makes it a pleasure to watch teams that think of team above self.

Root Canal = No Fun

Wow, I never would have thought that this root canal would hit me so hard.  I missed two days of blogging.  The root canal went smoothly, but it did take a bit over 2 hours.  I always have problems with the shots they give to numb the area.  It usually takes the doctor two times to find the right nerve.  This time?  Yeah, well it took four shots.  The first shot numbed half my tongue, the second numbed my gums, but only on the inside of my mouth, the third finally numbed the outside of my gums and my cheek and lip.  Then they started working.  About a quarter of the way into it, he did another shot (I think right into the nerve in the tooth, just to be sure I wouldn't feel anything).  So really, by this time I am not feeling anything.  They were great about giving me time to close my mouth.  I think truthfully the hardest part about having work done is the time you spend with two sets of hands in your mouth!  I love that he asks me while they both have hands and tools in my mouth, "Are you doing OK?"  All I can manage is a guttural, "uh huh."  Oh and the best question was after they finished putting the crown back on and they asked, "Does that feel normal?"  HA!  I told them, "I have no idea what it feels like!  I can't feel anything!"  Anyway, I ended up having to race over and pick up my son from school and get him to practice after the procedure.  I dropped him off and picked up the antibiotics and pain killers.  I sat in the cold at his practice, but still didn't feel much.  My mouth was still a bit numb when I went to bed that night.  When I woke up in the morning, my jaw was so swollen and sore I could hardly open my mouth.  I ended up calling for a substitute and stayed home and slept most of the day.  I am finally able to eat solid foods today.  Well, I'm not attempting carrots or anything like that yet, but I can open my mouth and chew.  I'm still taking my medicine and I'm sure that is covering the pain now.  Thank goodness, I have way too many things on my plate to be laying around sleeping all day.

In other news, my daughter's volleyball team is doing well in the Durango tournament in Las Vegas.  So far they are undefeated.  Will's football team has a game today against Huntington Beach.  They have been doing really well this season and are undefeated as well.  I'm really proud of my kids and how hard they work on and off the field/court. 

Three of Me? If Only...

Today is one of those days I wish there were three of me.  Literally, three.  Tonight my husband has a meeting out of town and I have three separate events I should to go to.  Tonight is back to school night for my son, and tonight my daughter has a volleyball game, and lastly, the high school is hosting senior night.
So let's start with back to school night.  There are pros and cons, I'll start with cons since there are not as many... 1.  It is boring, every teacher says the same thing every year.  2. OK, that's it.  Selfish, I know.  The pros, well, we are talking about meeting my "son's" teachers.  1.  I always feel it is important to introduce myself to his teachers, let them know we are supportive and they can contact us immediately with any issue.  2.  I like finding out when each teacher has their prep/counseling period so I know when to call if I have a problem.  3.  I like to meet the teachers and get a general feeling about them, that way if my son says something about them, I can measure it against my impressions.  4.  I have never missed a back to school night for either of my children - EVER.
My daughter's volleyball game is one of the events.  Now if I am honest with myself, this is the only one of the three that really doesn't need my attendance.  She will have plenty more games for me to attend this season.  It's just... this is the only one I really want to go to.
Lastly, there is senior night.  I have attended freshman orientation, sophomore night, and junior night.  I'm sure it will be more of the same plus some new items, last date to take SAT (so it's reflected on applications), they are going to go over college application deadlines for UC and CSU schools, and I'm sure there will be other important information as well.  Now as the parent of a senior, this event is probably the one I most need to attend.  Amy is going to need to start applying to schools.  I hear they need to apply to about five or six because the schools are being more selective these days.  I have no idea how I got into college.  Seriously.  I don't remember filling out an application (I must have, but I don't remember doing it).  I do remember getting a letter from Fresno State saying I had scored high enough on my SAT that I didn't have to take the "special" math or English class, but that is it.  I hope my daughter is more aware of what she is doing and for what purpose.  She seems more mature than I was.
So there is my dilemma, I guess I am going to have to be responsible and skip the volleyball game.  And I think what I will do is email all of Will's teachers to introduce myself.  So that leaves only one place to go.  I think I'm going to go dig out my clip board so I can be ready to learn everything I need to know about applying to college. 

Happy Birthday Amy!

A few days ago I wrote about getting my daughter a gift she wouldn't be able to unwrap or hold in her hand for her birthday.  Since today is her birthday I thought I would revisit that topic.  I couldn't really go in depth into the issue since I didn't want my daughter to see what she was getting for her birthday besides the window tinting on her car.  Anyway, her issue with the tinting as a present was that it didn't feel like a birthday gift.  She was having trouble verbalizing that to me because, well, I have raised a young lady who is thoughtful and cares about others' feelings.  She knew it was a bit selfish.  I understand though, it is hard once you go from the birthdays of fun and toys, to the birthdays of practicality.  So her issue caused a parenting issue for me.  When she was trying to tell me how she felt (I was actually dragging it out of her), I wanted to say, "oh don't worry, you will have other gifts to unwrap."  That is the delimma, isn't it?  I have tried to raise my kids so they are appreciative and respectful.  Who could forget the year that Will opened a present and said, "I already have one of these."  Those are such proud moments for us parents! UGH!  Anyway, I was faced with wanting her to make a decision based on the information she was given, not on any extra tidbits of information from Mom. And whatever she decided she wanted was going to be fine to us.  Well she chose the practical gift and loved it.  And when the birthday got here this morning, she had gifts to open anyway.  Small stuff from us and a letterman jacket from my parents.  So, all was right in the world of a 17 year old girl.

This is being posted this morning (9-14) because I got interrupted yesterday and forgot to push "post." 

Adding the Dentist to my Day:(

I haven't been doing a very good job lately at my time management.  I have not been getting to everything I want to do each day.  Writing this blog has added another item on my list.  I need to figure out how to get it written before my bedtime!  Because I stay up late, I have been having trouble getting up early and running.  It is such a vicious circle!  Well yesterday, I actually got my blog written in the afternoon, so this morning I got out and ran.  While it was difficult (it has been 2 weeks since I last ran), it felt good to get out there and do some heavy breathing!  I'm hoping I will be able to continue with more morning workouts.  Working out in the morning gives me an attitude adjustment.  It definitely helps me be a nicer person!  At least during the day, I'm feeling pretty crabby now since I am feeling all my old lady aches and pains from the run.  I need to figure out how the avoid the hip pain.
Anyway, in dealing with all the extra items on my list, I of course had an emergency today that threw my plans out the window.  While brushing my teeth this morning, my crown felt strange.  So I wiggled it and it just came off!  A bit of background information is that I got this crown about 4 years ago because the molar cracked (probably all that ice my mom told me to quit chewing).  Since I have had it, I have not been able to chew on that side!  It isn't usually sensitive to hot or cold, just pressure... even something as small as a strawberry seed!  So, I am looking at this as a blessing in disguise (I really am trying to be a positive person).  I went to the dentist today and apparently everything is in good shape which is good news.  I was worried it would be a black hole in there with all the pain I have been having over the years.  Well after a discussion with my dentist we decided on a root canal.  UGH!  But, I am hopeful that I will eventually be pain free!  The procedure is on Thursday (I may have to skip that blog day).  I'm really glad I was able to get in so quickly, I don't want to have to think about it.  I have terrible anxiety about going to the dentist.  I'm sure it stems from my childhood when my old dentist rarely used any numbing medicine when he did work.  I was tense today and all they did was take x-rays and temporarily glue the crown back on. 

On a side note, tonight my daughter's volleyball team defeated South Torrance to win the Gahr tournament in 3 games.  The first game was very exciting, but after that it seemed that the other team lost their spirit.  And the best news of all is that tomorrow is my baby girl's 17th birthday!  Happy birthday Amy!  We love you very much!

 

I Will Never Forget

Well, what can I say about today?  I'm sure I did what most Americans did today, I had my television tuned to all the activities happening in New York.  I'm glad to see that they finished the memorial at ground zero.  It is beautiful in a sad sort of way.  I think it is appropriate that it is a giant hole in the ground.  We all have a hole in our hearts because of that day.  The reflecting pools with all the water falling do make me sad though.  It makes me think of all the tears shed.  I shed a few myself today.  It was heartbreaking to hear all those children talking about dads they miss or never even met.  Parents who lost their children.  I was really moved by the story of the fireman who heard about the first crash after he got off shift, but went back in to work and headed over to the towers.  He got stuck in traffic at the Brooklyn tunnel, so he just got out of the fire truck, put on his 60 pounds of gear and ran all the way to the towers.  He never made it home.  He has inspired others to trace his steps each year with a memorial run (it is about a 5K).  I feel compelled to try that race someday.  The spirit of all the runners must be amazing.  I want to be a part of that.  And what about those Americans on flight 93.  The amount of patriotism they displayed can never be repayed.  The news interviewed a mom of one of the men on that flight.  She talked about how they were in contact with each other, she had called and told him what was going on and was worried that his plane was going to be used for the same purpose.  She asked him to try and do something to stop it.  She was so calm, I don't know how she did it.  Heck, I don't know how she could even talk to the reporter without crying, I was bawling just listening to the story.  We never know what we are capable of until we are placed in extraordinary situations.  I just know I will do my part and never forget. I'll never forget what happened that day or the extraordinary courage displayed by so many people.

Taking Him for Granted

The other day when I got home from work Joel asked me if I took him for granted.  It is kind of a hard question when I really think about it.  I expect him to be here, I depend on him to be here, I guess I do take that for granted.  I know he is here for us and supports us in the manner we have become accustomed.  I try and "soak in" these times together.  I do know there will come a time when he can't be here because of his duty to our country.  It is still a vivid memory for me of his time away in Iraq.  So, I guess the short answer to his question is "yes and no."  There are so many things people take for granted in a marriage, at least a happy marriage.  I take it for granted that he will be home with us each night (when he is not deployed, at drill or AT), I take it for granted that I am his only love interest, that he will support our family, and help me when I ask.  I'm sure there are many more, but I can't think of everything, we already confirmed that I have CRS.  Anyway, the no part of the answer is me making sure I do remember what it is like to do it all on my own.  It is remembering to say thank you ( and really mean it), even if it is something I think he "should" do.  That is the hard part of a marriage I think.  Remembering that we should be kind and polite to our spouses.  I know so many people who treat total strangers better than they treat their husbands.  I don't get it.
When people ask us the secret for a long happy marriage, I tell them that you have to have a husband that is gone a lot! :)  I like to joke about that, makes it easier if you can laugh about it.  But, sometimes when I really think about it, I think the separation gives us that time to really appreciate each other.  When he is gone and has to do all his own laundry and cooking, well, that makes him very appreciative of a dinner on the table and clean clothes hanging in the closet.  I love and appreciate the things he does on a whim.  I can't begin to count the number of times he has put gas in my car, or offered to make me breakfast.  I think that while there are certain aspects of our relationship that we take for granted, we still make sure that we take time for each other and let each other know how much better our lives are when we are together. 

Practical Gifts

Next week will be my daughter's 17th birthday.  I don't know how she can be that old when I'm so young, but that is another topic for another day.  Anyway, the poor thing is being welcomed into the adult world faster than she wants.  I remember wanting to be a grown up when I was her age, but I also remember when birthdays and especially gifts quit being fun.  Not to say that I don't enjoy the presents I get now, it's just that now they are usually very practical.  Well, to give you some background information, I guess I should back up a few years, well more than a few... Yikes, back to when I was 17.  Yeah, I know, back in the dark ages.  (My kids always ask if I ever had a pet dinosaur.  Funny little sh**s aren't they?)  Anyway, that year I started getting things for my hope chest.  (Sort of fifties-ish, I know) I got flat ware, table cloths, napkins, and tea towels that my Grandma had embroidered.  There were gifts of pot holders, pots and pans, and well, I can't even remember it all.  Then, once I got accepted to Fresno State, I started getting all the items I would need for my room, bedding, towels, small TV, and containers to carry toiletries to the showers.  I mention this because I loved it, ALL of it.  I mean it, I really did.  I was so ready to get out and have a bit of independence.  So now we flash forward to my daughter.  She really seems to be struggling with the transition to the practical.  What brings this all into the open is that we offered to get the windows tinted on her car for her birthday.  She has been mentioning since we got the car that that is the only thing on the car that she really wasn't happy with.  It had an old, poorly done, tint job that was bubbling on the back window and and peeling around the edges of the door windows.  It is so bad that it was a bit difficult to see out the back window.  So when we brought it up that we would like to do that for her birthday and she was hesitant, I couldn't understand why.  Now, my daughter is a pleaser and it took forever to drag out of her that she just felt like it wouldn't feel like a birthday gift.  Nothing to open, can't hold it in your hand, and now of course it isn't a surprise, since she knows what she is getting.  I get all that.  I do remember one year when almost all my Christmas gifts were clothes.  Practical, while it is useful, is not always fun.  I guess I am in the minority about practical gifts.  My husband always asks what I want for Christmas and birthdays and I always say something for the house.  He says, he wants to get "me" something, not something everyone uses.  I just know that I hardly ever shop for me, it is usually for everyone else, so a new crock pot or vacuum is a wonderful gift for me.  Speaking of vacuums.  I do remember one year, I think it was the Christmas before Joel and I were married.  My mom got my dad an axe for Christmas.  I started teasing her about it being a gift that indicated you wanted someone to do some work.  I think I even said, "it's like if he got you a vacuum, he's telling you that you need to clean the house more."  We were all laughing and I couldn't understand why she got all teary eyed.  Until I opened my gift,  and it was a vacuum!  The exact one I wanted!  I guess I do understand how others might feel about the practical, it certainly took me quite a while to convince my mom that I loved the gift and she couldn't have gotten me anything better.  I can really step in it sometimes.  I need to quit trying to be funny.  Anyway, Amy decided that she really would like to have the windows tinted, so today the car got dropped off and she will have an early birthday gift tomorrow when we go pick it up.  Not so exciting, but very practical.

A Bit of a Scare and an Honest Realization

Today I experienced something I have been dreading for a few years and now that it has happened, I realized two things.  First, it wasn't as scary as I thought, and second, as a parent, it must be terrifying.  I have learned so much over the past few years working with autistic children.  I have heard that autism often can present with another diagnosis.  This year we have a student with a seizure disorder.  This morning I saw the student have a seizure.  As I said already I have been dreading it.  What would it look like?  Would I recognize it?  Would I know what to do?  Would the child be alright?  I was really worried.  Well, as it turns out, it is recognizable, I did know what to do, and the child was alright.  Phew!  I've been thinking about the incident a lot today.  Of course I've been wondering if I could or should have done anything differently.  The first thought that went through my head as it ended was, "OK, that wasn't so bad."  Then I started thinking, oh my God!  I am so blessed with my healthy children!  Sure it wasn't so bad... FOR ME!  It can't be a comfortable experience for the child and it has to be terrifying for the parents.  I felt helpless and wanted to do something for him, I can only imagine what it is like watching your own child. 
The children in my classroom are amazing and teach me things on a daily basis.  I have especially learned a lot about myself.  They push you in ways you are unprepared for, I have become much calmer and I am certainly more accepting of differences in behaviors.  Sometimes I feel like we all have these same innate behaviors, we just are able to apply a filter to our actions so that what we say and or do is more commonly accepted.   Lord knows that there are times I just want to scream and cry because of a change that has occurred in my routine, and who hasn't wanted to smack someone because they cut in line or just walk away when you are bored with what someone is saying?  Autistic children are a lot of things, but what they mostly are, is honest.  Honest about their feelings.

No News is Good News

Tonight will be a short post, oh come on now, you have to give me a break. :)  Tonight is the only night during the week that we don't have anything going on.  We all just had dinner together!  That's right, I said together!  It is amazing how rarely that happens these days.  Anyway, I thought it would be wonderful to have a nice home cooked meal since we would all be home to eat at the same time, but it was not to be.  Left over bar-b-que chicken breasts were calling to me.  Plus it was so hot, correction, it IS STILL so hot, I really didn't want to eat hot food.  I made a great big salad and sliced up the chicken breast to put on the top.  It was so good.  Even the kids enjoyed it!  YAY!
Anyway, I want to take advantage of the time my kids are home, have a great evening everyone!
Goodnight!

Changes

With the anniversary of 9/11 approaching, there have been many opportunities to look back and remember not only what happened that day, but also to remember what changes it has brought to our lives.  I have been using my dvr quite frequently this past week.  I have been taping all the shows the history channel has been airing about the event.  Since I am on the west coast and far from New York, DC, and Pennsylvania I'm sure that the events on 9/11 didn't affect me as significantly as those who were there.  I did however have some pretty big changes happen in my life due to those terrorist attacks.  When I think back to my life before that day and compare it to now, wow... I would have never guessed that this is where we would be.  I was working full time as a teacher in Fresno.  I had finally gotten placed in the first grade position I wanted at my school.  Joel was working toward getting his CPA license, and the kids were settling in at John Wash Elementary.  We had just moved back home to Sanger (from Kingsburg) in December of 2000.  Life was good.  We were farming raisins when we weren't at our regular jobs.  Both my kids loved swimming and swam for the Sanger Seals.  We were making wonderful friends and we were living close to family.
I will never forget that morning.  My husband listens to the radio in the morning and they reported that an airplane had hit one of the towers.  We got up and went to see it on the television news.  As we were watching, we saw the second plane hit, and subsequently saw the first tower come down to the ground.  It seemed such a foreign thought.  We were being attacked?  How could someone do this on purpose?  I think it was that evening that Joel and I had the first conversation about him going back into the guard.  He had requested to be placed on inactive reserve a few years earlier so he could focus on his career.  For me, the guard was not only giving back to our country, but also some extra money in our pockets.  My experience up to this point had him going to drill one weekend a month and then going to training for 2 weeks in the summer.  So, it seemed like the right thing to do.  Our country needed well trained soldiers and he wanted to give back.  It took a while to get all the paperwork fixed, but eventually Joel was back in serving his country, albeit in our own back yard.  But in 2004 we realized he was going to have to go to Iraq.  He was gone for the year 2005.  I am forever grateful to my family and friends who got me and our children through that time.  I had one goal the whole time he was gone, I wanted everything to be the same for them, except for their dad not being home.  That meant keeping up with our regular routine even though I was by myself.  I hated to ask for help, I was afraid I would wear out the welcome and then it wouldn't be there when I would really need it.  I had some great friends though, who would just offer before I would have to ask, they helped me more than they know.
Joel's return from Iraq brought about the greatest changes for the kids and me.  He decided that the guard was the direction he wanted to focus his career.  At first, there wasn't too much of a change.  Actually, I remember thinking, this is great, I don't have to iron his work clothes anymore!  But then they closed the armory in Fresno.  He started commuting to Modesto.  That was tough, but didn't even compare to when he got the job in Los Alamitos and was commuting to southern California, plus his drill weekends were in Dublin (near San Francisco).  So during that time he was home maybe 4 days a month.  We made the big, difficult decision to move to southern California in 2007.  It has been a long journey, but has brought about some wonderful opportunities for us.  We miss being with family, especially when we have those nice long holiday weekends (but can't get away because of the kids sporting events).  But we are making some lifelong friends and enjoying our time here.
So when I'm looking back and commemorating 9/11, I'm thinking about what might have been, but I am also looking at how much we have grown and changed for the better.  I don't take anything for granted anymore. 

Falling asleep on the couch...

So, I did it already.  I missed a blogging day.  I couldn't think of anything I wanted to write about and then before I knew it, I was falling asleep on the couch.  I never used to be able to do that.  I could only fall asleep in my bed.  The covers had to be just so, the fan a the perfect speed, and everything quiet.  What is it about getting old that allows that to happen.  I remember laughing at my parents when they would be doing the "head bob" or snoring so loud we would have trouble hearing the TV.  For my husband, it doesn't even matter what the volume of the TV is set, he can sleep through anything.  Well, let me correct that, the only thing that wakes him up is if you turn off the TV.  Me, well, I still fall asleep faster when it is quite, but noise is definitely not preventing me from falling asleep anymore. Heck, you know you're on a down hill spiral when you can fall asleep sitting up!  What is up with that?  I can understand it when you've had a hard day working physically, but yesterday I was busy with a whole bunch of nothing.  I didn't even get my laundry done.  Not much new with that though, you all already know I tend to procrastinate.  But the point is, what could make you so tired that you fall asleep watching TV at 9 pm??  I guess it is because I am right up there at "middle aged" now.  Gosh that sounds old.  And don't go telling me that I'm too young for that title, how many people do you know that are approaching 100?  Not too many, I'm sure.  I'm on that downhill slide now.  Crazy to think about that.  I remember as a teenager figuring out how old I would be in the year 2000.  Worse, I remember thinking... "whoa, 34, that will be old!"  Oh, to be 34 again.  I was not falling asleep on the couch at 34!

On a side note, my daughter had a volleyball tournament today.  They have 17 players on their team, I know, that is a bunch.  But she got to play a lot.  She had a couple of kills and several digs.  She played great, I am super proud of her.  They won both of the matches they played today in three games.  They have several more days of the tournament to play, but they are off to a great start.  Go Griffins!  And Go Amy!

Are You Ready for Some Football?

What an exciting, nail biter of day.  My whole post is about the football game today, so I hope you are up for it!  For those of you that don't know, my son plays Pop Warner football on the Midget team.  Don't let the name fool you, this is the oldest and biggest of the Pop Warner teams.  Next year most of these boys will be in high school.  They have a weight limit at the beginning of the season of 160 pounds and once they certify, they can gain a pound a week.  So, here we are a few weeks into the season now and the team we played today looked enormous!  Will even said that a few of them were pretty scary!  Anyway I am getting ahead of myself.  We left a bit early because as Will was putting on his uniform socks, one of them tore.  So we had to go to Sport Chalet to pick up a new pair.  Amy and I were a bit nervous about Will being late.  Not that he would ever be late to the game, Coach Mark wants us all there 1 hour and 15 minutes before the game is suppose to start!  Joel was telling us we would be at the store in less than 10 minutes (by the way, it didn't happen), and we would have plenty of time to be there before "first jack."  (The team starts warm ups with jumping jacks exactly 1 hour before the game.)  Even though we didn't make it to the store in 10 minutes, we did make it to the field before Will was even supposed to be there.  Took a bit of skilled driving through the Long Beach Towne Center to avoid traffic, but in the end Amy and I worried needlessly.  So once at the game, we set up our umbrella and chairs and watched the end of what I think was a Pee Wee game.  They are a couple of years under us.  Hard to imagine that Will was that size when he first started playing tackle football.  Our boys played an undefeated team from Canyon Hills, apparently this team went all the way to Florida to play in the national championships last year.  And I can tell you they didn't get there with good sportsmanship. Our guys are well trained to be respectful on the field.  They have to call their coaches "sir" and they always help up the opponent or pat them on the back for a good play.  This team we were playing would slap our player's hands away when we would offer them.  They were arguing with the refs and shouting at the parents on our side when they did something good.  I thought it was just sad.  Their coaches obviously allow it, if not promote it.  They scored on us right away by getting an interception and running it all the way back for a touchdown.  Quite a blow to our guys.  This is only our second game of the season, we won our first game, but we also (if they would have kept score) appeared to win all of our scrimmages.  We managed to pull it together though and get our heads back into the game.  It really pumped them up when our QB successfully threw a short pass and one of our players converted it into a touchdown with a 45 yard run after the catch.  So now with the score tied, I can hardly keep my seat.  We are back on defense and while everyone was doing a great job, I was really only watching my son, he plays strong side outside linebacker.  He was in on most of the tackles, and many times he got their first.  So exciting!!  Then in the second half, one of our players kept running the ball and moving it down the field.  The other team was getting angry and after the whistle blew, one of their players hit him (our running back) in the lower back with his helmet, right in front of the ref (and us).  Of course the ref didn't see it.  Shortly after that, the fourth quarter started and they switched sides.  Amy and Joel walked down to the other side of the field where the plays were going to be happening, Will was playing tail back (his other position), he took a hand off and ran about 40 yards for a touchdown!  It happened clear on the other end of the field from me, but I had to jump up and down and do the happy dance all by myself anyway!  After that, the Canyon Hills team were moving the ball down the field.  Defense was working hard, but the other team would manage to get 10 yards by the 4th down each time.  Then something happened and our defense really started to turn it on.  They were stuffing the runner, sacking the quarterback and most importantly keeping them from scoring.  We were wishing for time to go faster and kept staring at the scoreboard clock!  It was a nail biter all the way until the end.  So now I sit at home and wonder, why is it that we get so excited when our kids do something great? It is not like we really had anything to do with it.  He is the one putting in the hard work, proving himself on the field day after day, why do I feel like I was the one who scored a touchdown?  I really don't know, what I do know is that I was really proud that we have a classy team.  Even in the parking lot there were still some of the Canyon Hills players and parents hanging out and as my son walked by, he told the guy closest to us, "Good game."  Now, that, I guess I can puff up about, I have raised some great kids.

My Memory is not What it Once Was :(

I'm starting to worry about myself.  I think that I have a full blown case of CRS.  Well, that is what my mom used to call it, Can't Remember Sh**.  Even though I worked on the serve it up dinner for the volleyball team, I forgot to do my "parent" part and bring donations for the snack bar.  That is always nice when a board member doesn't do their part.  Certainly not setting a good example.  By the way, it was my daughter that reminded me to put the items in my car before I came to her volleyball game so I could turn them in and get checked off on the list.  (Thanks Amy)  My problem is, this is not an isolated case.  This morning I did remember that my work schedule is a bit different and last night I planned that I would bring a book and enjoy some "me" time doing something I love, and seldom find time for, reading.  I got to school early but, you guessed it, no book.  Such a bummer.  I was really looking forward to reading.  Yesterday I forgot to let the teacher know that another teacher was going to be bringing her class through our room at a specified time.  Now why was it surprising when she opened the door with all her little kiddos behind her?? Ugh, nothing like having to apologize for something ridiculous like that, definitely not a good first impression!  I also have been constantly forgetting to put my phone in my purse when I leave the house.  Now this is a funny story, you should have seen me pushing the talk button on my steering wheel and saying loudly, "Call Home."  I did it a couple of times before I looked at the dash and read that it couldn't find a paired phone.  Yeah, thank goodness no one was in the car with me!  My kids already think I am an idiot, didn't need to provide them with some evidence.  Today after I was on my way home from work I realized that I left my half full coffee cup on the counter by the sink... Again!  I try to remember to rinse it and bring it home each night because we tend to have an ant problem in the classroom, yuck.  But no, not only did I miss out on my yummy coffee, now I am dreading what the counter will look like on Tuesday.  Hopefully someone saw it and dumped it out. So anyway, I was really starting to feel all alone in this, but then I talked to my friend Jananne tonight (hope she doesn't mind me sharing this, my dad always told me it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask permission).  It seems that yesterday after she picked up Will to take him along with her son to practice she dropped them off at the high school, not normally a problem, but last night's practice was at an elementary school clear on the other side of town.  I guess she had to go back and get them and then drive them all the way down to Seal Beach.  She called it a "blond moment."  I like it!  Maybe that is what I'll call what I have too, I won't have to explain so much.

Is it Friday Yet?

Wow, so many things happened today, I am having trouble focusing on one topic.  So, today is going to be just a mish-mash of thoughts as they tumble out, please forgive me.
This morning at work, I was asked if I could change my schedule.  Not usually a big deal, but since I am on the booster club for volleyball, I have a few conflicts.  I like to be accommodating (or as my husband calls it "being a pushover"), but I'm not sure how much time I will have.  I will be starting with the new schedule tomorrow and we will see from there. 
Speaking about volleyball, today was the first game of the year for my daughter's volleyball team.  She is on varsity this year and she got to start.  I am so proud of her.  She worked hard during the summer to prove herself.  They are currently ranked first in CIF southern section.  Let's hope they can keep that ranking!  They are off to a good start though. Varsity plays best 3 out of 5 and they won in 3 straight sets.  Way to go girls!  Their team has the most amazing fans!  Half the gym was packed with students who made up cheers, sang songs, and taunted the other team.  They even all wore blue and made a tunnel for the girls after the game.  The other half of the gym is parents (from both teams) and the opposing teams who are not playing (eg. JV and frosh).  It gets so loud in there.  I never went to a volleyball game in high school.  I wonder if they had a following.  I really enjoy watching the games, too bad I didn't know that sooner.
On a humorous note, I got a text from my mom during the game that asked "Are you OK, been trying to reach you since 3 pm."  I hadn't been with my phone all afternoon, so I didn't know she had called and left a message.  Anyway, she was worried that something terrible had happened to me, or the kids.  She is funny, always goes straight for the worst scenario!  It just got me thinking about how life was before cell phones.  Did people immediately begin to worry if they couldn't get a hold of you?  I know cell phones came along when I was already an adult, but I can hardly remember life without one.  I can't imagine that my grandma would have worried about not being able to contact one of her adult children in a span of 4 hours.  I know, I usually always have my phone with me and it is strange for me not to answer right away, but it still just made me wonder.
A big thanks goes out today to my friend, Jananne, who took Will to football AND brought him home so I could go to Amy's game.  What would we do without good friends to lean on?
And I saved the best for last... My husband is finally home!  Yay!  He has been gone for 3 weeks at annual training.  I have grown accustomed to this Army life, and we really do have it easy since he is not regular Army on active duty. But I know in my heart of hearts that I was not really cut out to be a single mom.  It is so very hard.  I'm not sure if it is a good or bad thing, but we slowly adjust to him being gone and figure out how to carry on.  It is not easy, but we do it.  I am never happy to have him leave, but to be honest, there is always an adjustment period for us when he comes back home.  I think it is most difficult for him though.  He is used to his orders being followed the instant they are given, and well, we don't usually take him quite so seriously. :)
See what I meant about rambling?  Hope to be more put together tomorrow.

First Day of School

So today was the first day of school for the kids and me.  I have to say that I am thinking very positively about the coming school year.  For those of you that don't know, I "retired" from teaching a couple of years before we moved down south. I wanted to stay in the education field, but only work part time.  So I got a job as an aide in a kindergarten autism classroom.  It has been an amazing experience.  None of my college classes or professional development prepared me for this job.  I never, in ten years of teaching, came across autistic children.  I learned more about behavior management in that first year than in all 10 years of my teaching.  Anyway, wow, that was the long way around to this story, sorry about that.  Anyway, last year was the toughest year I have ever had, it was the kind of year that makes you sit back and wonder if you even want to come back to work again.  It was emotionally taxing and physically demanding.  On top of that, we were hit, kicked, bitten, scratched, you name it, it was done.  So, to say that I am positive about the coming year is a big deal.  I love the staff in the room, the teacher is amazing, and the kids, oh the kids seem so sweet... and calm, and quiet! (There was lots of screaming last year, forgot to mention that.  The kind of screams that happen right next to your head and you feel your ear drum vibrating, yeah, those are not much fun.) Anyway, I had a great first day of school...YAY for me!
So talking about first days, I was talking to a friend of mine tonight about our kids sharing with us about their school days.  She has two sons and she was explaining to me that it only took about 15 minutes to hear about the first day of school from her oldest son.  I had to laugh, because as a mother of a boy and a girl I get to see both sides.  What follows is a conversation with my son as I picked him up today from school:
     Me:  Hey Buddy! How was your first day?
     Son: Fine.
     Me:  Do you like your teachers?
     Son: They're OK.
     Me:  Do you have friends in your classes?
     Son: Yeah.
OK, I could go on, but I'm sure you get the picture, it is like pulling teeth!  I'm the one doing all the talking!  And, I still don't know anything about his day!  Now, when I compare that to my conversation with my daughter?  Well, I came away from the hour long conversation knowing who she has in her classes, a few anecdotal stories of things that happened in some of her classes, which teachers she really likes, what extra items she is going to need for some of her classes, and just an overall feeling of her day. Funny, us girls, well we have something to say and we want someone to listen!
On a side note, I managed to cook dinner in the crock pot for tonight.  Another cheer for me!  It was good and it even made it nice for Will to eat something healthy before football practice and then (in Lord of the Rings fashion) he got to have a hot "second dinner."

Procrastination

What a day today.  It was the last day of summer vacation for the kids and me.  Tomorrow we all go back to school.  The feeling is bittersweet.  It is nice to have a purpose (and my job can be very rewarding), but I love summer and time away from work.  Anyway, due to my dread at going back to work, I also procrastinated at preparing my children to return to school.  So this morning started bright and early with a shopping trip for back to school clothes.  We were the first ones in the store this morning.  I guess it paid off waiting so long to shop though, we got some great deals.  The kids are happy and mom is happy that I still have both arms and legs.  ;)
Also went today and checked out the cost of a letterman's jacket for my daughter. Funny how the price they quote that includes all the things you want, somehow doesn't cover all the things the kid wants! Ouch, that will be a pretty penny. She is is good kid though, she deserves it. Plus, how could I let her work that hard and letter in two sports and not let her get a jacket?
If only my day stopped there, nope, I ran errands all day long!  How does that happen?  Well, I not only put off buying school clothes, I also think that Old Mother Hubbard would have had difficulty finding a bone in my cupboards.  After having two teenage boys all weekend and, well, just our regular eating habits, we were out of almost everything!  So three different stores later, cupboards are overflowing with healthy goodness.  Well, I can pretend can't I?  Suffice it to say, I bought lots of food, and it is stuff everyone likes.
So anyway, I barely made it home in time to throw all the cold items in the fridge, before we had to leave to take Will to football practice.  I enjoy watching the team though and it is time when I can sit and visit with my daughter.  After that we rush home and finally get dinner on the table by 8:30.  It just makes for a long day.
So, I was thinking that this whole day would have been so much easier if I hadn't procrastinated.  Wouldn't have had to be up so early for shopping, definitely wouldn't have had to buy so much food, and dinner?  Well that is the one I should have had under control.  I joined a page on facebook that has crockpot recipes.  I told myself this is what I need to be doing this time of year when we don't get home until late.  Then we all can still have a nice hot meal together.  So I researched and found which meal I wanted to make, I just needed a couple of ingredients from the store... ohhh darn so much for starting a meal that will cook by itself all day.  I will do better tomorrow, I have everything ready to throw in the crockpot in the morning... just hope everyone likes it.  I don't have a great history with crockpot meals, but that is another story.

Hanging On and Letting Go

Well today has me feeling some added stress.  For the past two years I have been chairman of the Serve-It-Up dinner for the girls volleyball booster club.  It is an evening that gathers all the players and their parents to meet coaches, learn about the program, enjoy a meal, and most importantly... collect money and volunteers for the coming year.  This year will be my daughter's last year since she is a senior.  So in an effort to help those that come after, this year I have found a replacement for myself and have been sharing any and all knowledge about how to pull this event off without a hitch.  Now before I continue, let me give you a bit of background information about me.  I'm a bit anal (not the having to do with the anus definition, but the obsessive, controlled one).  I have a really hard time letting go of the reins.  Flashback some 12 years... wonderful Christmas scene, carols playing, family enjoying hot cocoa while decorating the tree.  My beautiful, helpful children ages 5 and 2 are putting ornaments on the tree.  Me?  Oh, I'm standing aside practicing my calming breaths as my husband is snickering to himself because he knows it is KILLING me that the ornaments are all on the front of the tree and only about 3 feet high.  Oh, I managed to praise them and give lots of hugs and kisses about all their help, but guess who was up after their bedtime redecorating the tree?  Yeah, that was me.  Teaching over the years has encouraged me to let go (some), to know that it doesn't have to be perfect and most importantly it is usually the process, not the product.  That is where all the great memories come from. 
Sounds good right, like I have learned my lessons well, oh sure, until something that has been my baby for the past two years is now out of my control.  Now, I chose my replacement well, I have every confidence in her, I really do!  But, how do I really let go?  And truthfully, if balloons aren't there, or we don't have enough ice for the water, is it really going to be the end of the world?  No, definitely not, I do know that.  I'm practicing a new mantra these days, "It is what it is."  Well, I'm saying that with lots of deep calming breaths... 



Jayden, Will, and Amy with Amy's
new car.

Wow, so much packed into this Sunday so far, it feels like it should be much later.
Last night I went to the 50th birthday party of my good friend Christie.  I used to work with her, but she retired at the end of the school year last year.  It was great seeing her and some of my other co-workers in a relaxed atmosphere.  The food was amazing and there was an open bar... what could be better?  I am grateful to have a wonderful friend like Christie and was thrilled to have been invited to her amazing party. 
This morning I took my son and his friend (who has been staying with us for the weekend) to the high school for football pictures.  They play for the Midget team in our local Pop Warner league.  They had to listen to me lecture all the way there about how the individual pictures are for us moms.  They can frown and look tough in the group shot, but for the individual, I want to see some teeth!  Of course they kept parents away from the photo area (afraid we will snap our own shots and not buy theirs I guess) so who knows what I will end up with.
We came home to freshly made french toast, courtesy of Amy.  What a sweet girl she is.  She actually has been loving having a second little brother around.  He keeps her brother entertained so he hasn't been in her space so much.  Plus, Jayden (Will's friend) is so well behaved, he is a pleasure for me to have around.
But I guess the big news today is that Amy and I went to test drive (and buy) a car for her.  It is the same age she is.  Funny since my first car was my age too.  A big shout out goes to our football team equipment manager, who is the general manager at a local dealership.  He found the car for us and gave us a great deal.  Sometimes I guess it really isn't "what" you know, but "who" you know.  Thanks Mr. Rutledge!  Amy is a happy girl.  School starts on Wednesday, so she is super happy to drive her own car, instead of Dad's old pick-up.  I don't blame her, I always feel like Miss Fanny (from the movie Robots) when I drive his truck.
With the rest of the day ahead of me and all my chores done, I think I foresee a nap in my future.  Have a peaceful Sunday everyone.

It's Saturday!

Well here we are again, I can at least say I made it two days in a row!  That is reason enough to celebrate, isn't it?  The morning started bright and early.  My daughter has an out of town volleyball tournament today, oh, their first game of the day should have started as I am writing - Go Amy!!  Anyway, I am not with her because the scheduling gods also planned my son's opening day football game on the same day. Since my daughter is older and a driver now, she "gets" to be on her own for the day.  Ugh, do I really have to get into the topic of guilt again?  No, not going there today. 
But here is a topic I would like to talk about though.  Why is it that activities can not be spaced out evenly?  Last weekend I had four over-lapping events, today I have three. Now you know, I wouldn't be complaining if they were, say, a manicure, massage, and facial.  That would be a dream.  Nope, they are events my kids have to attend.  I know, I know, it is all my fault.  I'm the one who signs them up for these things.  We are forking over money left and right so they can have all the advantages.  So why am I complaining?  I have no idea. I don't know what else I would rather be doing. I am really proud of the two of them, I love how belonging to something greater than themselves has built up their character.  My original reasoning for registering them in several activities per year was to keep them too busy to get into trouble, but let's be honest here... they are so much easier to deal with at home when they are worn out from workouts!  Less fighting with each other, and so much more compliant with Mom and Dad.  That, is what has been the bonus.  When I think of the respectful, young people they have become, I am happy to fill my days watching and cheering them on.

The Beginning 8-26-11

So as the title says, it is the beginning.  Firstly it is the beginning of my blogging.  I have never done this before.  I have never before been very successful at keeping up with writing in a diary (remember those?).  So this will be a huge challenge for me.  Anyway, I am attempting to keep a record of a year in my life, if nothing else, it will provide insight into my thoughts and actions for my children.  Secondly, it is the beginning of my children growing up and going away.  This is my daughter's last year of high school.  Where she goes from here?  Well, you will find out along with me.  Thirdly, my husband is an officer in the CA Army National Guard.  It has been a little over five glorious years since his return from an Iraqi deployment, so a future deployment is looming on the horizon.  And lastly, this will be the beginning of a concience exploration of where I fit in this world.  Am I a mom first? Wife first? Daughter first?  How do I balance it all, AND keep everyone sane and happy?   ...including me. 

So, let's get started.  Today began as every other.  Multi-tasking.  Laundry, breakfast, phone call with hubby, and for some unknown reason, checking out facebook status changes.  Why I do that, I have no idea.  Facebook is an enormous time-sucker for me.  Anyway, all the while I am doing all these things, I have the overall guilt of "why aren't you out exercising?"  I am one of those perpetual dieters and I am trying to balance that with more exercise. 
I am a lot more active than I used to be, but it seems to be a vicious circle.  The more I exercise, the better I feel, so I try to exercise more, but my guilt is enormous when I don't get out there as often as I should and workout.  I am starting to surround myself with people who are active and encouraging, but that also adds to the guilt, "if I worked out more, I could look like they do," or worse, "I'll never look like they do."  So what do I do about the guilt?  I used to wash it down with a glass of wine and a chocolate chip cookie (or two).  Now, well, I'm not sure... in the past year or so I started running and it seems to have helped.  Using the word "running" is probably a gross over exaggeration for me.  I think there are plenty of people who walk as fast as I run, but oh well, it is about getting out there and moving, right?  Well, that is what I keep telling myself.  I have run a few races, mostly 5K, a couple 5 mile, and once I did a 10K.  I won't be doing a 10K again.  Why? Well, let me tell you.  I hate running.  I keep waiting for this runner's high to kick in... I think it is a myth, probably invented by running shoe companies to keep us buying new shoes.  So now on to the question you are all asking.  "Why do you run?  Why not do something else?  I know, I ask myself that all the time.  It all started because my dear neighbor asked me to do a 5K with her.  I agreed, thinking that it would encourage me to excercise regularly.  I found out later it was actually was a 5 mile race, so I trained hard (cursing her name) for 6 weeks.  I increased from non-runner to 5 miler.  I was impressed with myself, in short, I got cocky.  I started to think of myself as a runner, weird, I know.  So now here I am, running is my go-to exercise.  I think I keep at it because it is easy.  Not physically, definitely not that, but it is something that I can just step out my front door and do.  I don't need special gear, although my running shoes are pretty cute.
Well, this "runner" is feeling the guilt double time right now, not only did I miss the cool weather this morning for my run, but I have been ignoring the dryer for long enough.  Time to get back to my multi-tasking.