The Beginning 8-26-11

So as the title says, it is the beginning.  Firstly it is the beginning of my blogging.  I have never done this before.  I have never before been very successful at keeping up with writing in a diary (remember those?).  So this will be a huge challenge for me.  Anyway, I am attempting to keep a record of a year in my life, if nothing else, it will provide insight into my thoughts and actions for my children.  Secondly, it is the beginning of my children growing up and going away.  This is my daughter's last year of high school.  Where she goes from here?  Well, you will find out along with me.  Thirdly, my husband is an officer in the CA Army National Guard.  It has been a little over five glorious years since his return from an Iraqi deployment, so a future deployment is looming on the horizon.  And lastly, this will be the beginning of a concience exploration of where I fit in this world.  Am I a mom first? Wife first? Daughter first?  How do I balance it all, AND keep everyone sane and happy?   ...including me. 

So, let's get started.  Today began as every other.  Multi-tasking.  Laundry, breakfast, phone call with hubby, and for some unknown reason, checking out facebook status changes.  Why I do that, I have no idea.  Facebook is an enormous time-sucker for me.  Anyway, all the while I am doing all these things, I have the overall guilt of "why aren't you out exercising?"  I am one of those perpetual dieters and I am trying to balance that with more exercise. 
I am a lot more active than I used to be, but it seems to be a vicious circle.  The more I exercise, the better I feel, so I try to exercise more, but my guilt is enormous when I don't get out there as often as I should and workout.  I am starting to surround myself with people who are active and encouraging, but that also adds to the guilt, "if I worked out more, I could look like they do," or worse, "I'll never look like they do."  So what do I do about the guilt?  I used to wash it down with a glass of wine and a chocolate chip cookie (or two).  Now, well, I'm not sure... in the past year or so I started running and it seems to have helped.  Using the word "running" is probably a gross over exaggeration for me.  I think there are plenty of people who walk as fast as I run, but oh well, it is about getting out there and moving, right?  Well, that is what I keep telling myself.  I have run a few races, mostly 5K, a couple 5 mile, and once I did a 10K.  I won't be doing a 10K again.  Why? Well, let me tell you.  I hate running.  I keep waiting for this runner's high to kick in... I think it is a myth, probably invented by running shoe companies to keep us buying new shoes.  So now on to the question you are all asking.  "Why do you run?  Why not do something else?  I know, I ask myself that all the time.  It all started because my dear neighbor asked me to do a 5K with her.  I agreed, thinking that it would encourage me to excercise regularly.  I found out later it was actually was a 5 mile race, so I trained hard (cursing her name) for 6 weeks.  I increased from non-runner to 5 miler.  I was impressed with myself, in short, I got cocky.  I started to think of myself as a runner, weird, I know.  So now here I am, running is my go-to exercise.  I think I keep at it because it is easy.  Not physically, definitely not that, but it is something that I can just step out my front door and do.  I don't need special gear, although my running shoes are pretty cute.
Well, this "runner" is feeling the guilt double time right now, not only did I miss the cool weather this morning for my run, but I have been ignoring the dryer for long enough.  Time to get back to my multi-tasking.